But what if .... 'You Can’t Handle the Truth'?!?!
This famous line from a movie has been used time and time again in jest or as an outright insult when pointing out that sometimes the truth is either too ugly or hurtful for one to accept or maybe that someone is in denial of who they truly are… But if you’re like me – you want to know the truth; the good, bad and ugly. I fully believe that the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth can give you true peace and freedom internally. Sounds great right? NOT!!!
Over the last 15 years, I’ve pursued counseling to help me navigate many major milestones and events in my life such as marriage, becoming a parent, losing a parent, etc. Once my stepson left for college, I found myself in need of guidance again for this next chapter of my life. I embarked on my most recent journey of self-discovery, growth, finding my voice I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I don’t even remember the original reason why I resumed counseling – I pretty sure it had something to do with finding peace, finding Bronze, discovering my purpose…. Yadda yadda…. And I even remember the little spark of happiness I felt at the end of my first session with my new therapist when she said something to the effect of “We’re gonna find out what Bronze thinks” or likes or wants or something like that. I was like YES! Woohoo! Let’s do it. Then she read my mind (or just recognized how all over the place I was) and told me about a Life Coach she worked with and how we would be a good fit. Once again – Woohoo! Yessss Life Coach! I’m on my way to being the best Bronze I can be!
I wish I had all of the emojis, gifs, and memes to describe how NOT amazing this really is…. This journey of finding my voice and taking care of Bronze is horrible, terrible, wonderful, and incredible ALL at the same time. Who knew how much work this would actually be? Who knew how hard it would be to search deep within to find MY truths, then even harder to face MY truths and ultimately get those around me to accept and embrace MY truths…
I can only compare this to the exhilaration and excitement of getting a new personal trainer who is going to help me to get my body in tip top shape. It sounds wonderful, until about 10 minutes into our first workout and I’m about to do my second set of burpees and I am ready to quit! I super agitated that I am paying this person to make me do strenuous workout because I don’t want to do it on my own – even though I know I need it and it’s making me better and stronger and ultimately happier in the end. It doesn’t mean I have to like it – and I get down right mad about it.
Well the one thing I have for sure learned this go around about counseling, is that going to counseling and doing self-work without actually dealing with your truths is the equivalent to me hiring a trainer and going to the gym without actually working out. Spending the money and just being present are not enough to see any benefits. You have to get in there, grind it out, push yourself, change your habits, behavior and overall mindset if you truly want to see the benefits of your work. This is the same for your physical workout and your mental health and emotional well-being. When you’re working on your whole self, you cannot truly be fulfilled if one of these areas is neglected. They are interconnected holistically and therefore must all be addressed during your journey.
If it’s so horrible, then why do it?
I ask myself this question every time I get ready to have one of the difficult conversations, every time I don’t get the response I was hoping for when I tell someone no, every time I feel crushed on the inside because I feel like I am letting a loved one or a friend down because their plan for me isn’t in line with my plan for me.. And many days I am ready to just throw in the towel. Forget what I want, it’s just easier to give them what they want, and then everyone will be happy right? Yep, everyone but me.
So in those moments when I’m ready to give in, when I convince myself that I am fine the way things are and that I can just deal with it, my soul quickly reminds me she needs to be free. I get that heavy feeling that I just can’t shake, that makes it hard for me to function. I then reflect on the moments when I am thinking about everything I want out of life and all of the beauty there is to experience, the opportunities awaiting me, the adventures I wasn’t to have and my soul sings. There is an awakening in my core that is beautiful beyond words. There is an excitement that fills my bones when I think about a world where I can create my path and truly do things that make me happy. In these moments I truly feel free, light as a bird, and strong enough to conquer the world. I have faith that it can and will happen, but not without conquering my truth.
So do you want to know the truth? Can you handle YOUR truth? If the answer to these questions are yes (which I hope they are), get ready to thrive – because the world is yours for the taking! Let’s Get It!